Movie Review: "Scary" Indeed

Have you ever received a present you didn't want but you didn't want to hurt the feelings of the person giving it to you?

Anyone out there that knows me, or has been consistent in reading my reviews, knows that Scream (1996) is one of my favorite films of all time. I won't get into why here and now, but it was one of those things that I honestly believe changed the trajectory of my life. It may sound stupid or even a bit ridiculous, but I've said and done much dumber things in the past.

My mother was not as enthused. She was brought up to believe anything "good" couldn't come from something violent. She was a fan of Fried Green Tomatoes and Father of the Bride (1991). She often tethered quality of a film to content of a film. Horror movies were not anything she would have sought out herself. I think the scariest thing she watched prior to my Scream awakening was The Twilight Zone. Understand, I'm right there with her; The Twilight Zone scared the bejesus out of me and I'm 97% certain it's heavily contributed to my adulthood anxiety.

My brother and I would go to movies all the time back then and not all of them were Mom approved. Sometimes we'd go and when I'd get dropped off back home, we'd have to pretend like we didn't know we weren't supposed to see that one particular movie. Despite the fact my brother is 11 years older than me and knew better, we often walked that line.

After seeing Scream, I had to show everyone. My friends, classmates and my family. My brother, sister and father saw it with me in theaters. My mother refused to go, citing it as "trash" despite not seeing anything besides the trailers for it. She would continually tell me, "I brought you up better than to watch such things" or "You keep watching this stuff and you're going to get nightmares." She said this knowing full well the first nightmare I remembered having was being formed into a bowling ball by Bowser from Mario Bros. and thrown into a pit of spikes. Seemed even the most innocuous media could transform into something significantly worse. Thanks, brain.

It wasn't until Scream 2 came out on VHS a year or so later that I finally convinced her to watch the first and the second back-to-back. This was like early Christmas. Hell, it was almost second Christmas. Somehow, I was able to convince my mother to watch two horror movies she'd been rallying against for months. She made popcorn, we ordered pizza and she even got root beer, having a few herself.

It was a Friday night, just her and I. Truly a night to remember.

What's shocking is she liked them both. She criticized the "blood and guts", but she said they were "interesting". As banal as that word seems, "interesting" in this context might as well have been a ticker tape parade. By the time the third came out, it took less convincing for her to watch.

This was the year 2000. Scream 3 came out in February of that year. The midnight screening my brother, sister and I went to had the trailer for Scary Movie (2000) on it. Growing up, I loved In Living Color and now the guys that did that show were doing a movie lampooning my favorite movie. July couldn't come soon enough.

My family was less enthused about Scary Movie (2000). Instead, I went with a bunch of my friends. It was a Friday night in July. Our theater didn't have the proper airflow necessary to have such a packed house in the middle of July. I felt almost itchy in my seat in anticipation. 

"Soon enough," I thought. "Soon enough, you'll be laughing and the heat won't even bug you."

Unfortunately, I felt each and every second in that theater. Scary Movie (2000) was one of the biggest disappointments to me. There are sequences in it where the filmmakers and screenwriters exactly copy films like Scream (1996) and I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) and there are only slight deviations from the source material. Many of my friends liked it, but I only remember laughing once or twice. That's a bad average for an hour and a half movie.

When I got home from the movie, I was telling my family about it. I was actually even sort of depressed. I just kinda shrugged it off and moved on.

Months later, my mother was asking me about what I might want for Christmas that year. At the time, DVD was just becoming a thing and while I owned all three Scream films on VHS, DVD promised a better picture, special features and a proper aspect ratio. Dimension Films had just announced they were doing a box set of all the films with a separate bonus disc. I mentioned that to my mother and a few other things.

Christmas morning arrived. "Santa" had a habit of arranging things under the tree for maximum impact. Typically, there would be a build-up of suspense while going through items. As I went through the DVDs I had received that were under the tree, one seemed out of place. 

Scary Movie (2000).

I've never had a good poker face and my mother could read me like a book.

"What's wrong," she asked.

I shook my head. "What? Nothing. Just surprised."

I smiled. My mother cocked her head. "No. What's wrong?"

"Everything is okay. What do you mean?"

"Adam, don't lie to me. Not on Christmas."

I cleared my throat. "I'm just surprised. I didn't ask for this and you got it for me."

She smiled. "Well, you asked for the Scream set, right?"

I smiled back. "I...yeah. Yes."

"Well, now you have this."

I looked through some of the other stuff. Surely, she was speaking about the set in such a way that she bought that as well. Right?

Right?

She went to the kitchen, starting breakfast. My father turned to me. "Hey. She get you that set?"

I whispered. "If she did, I can't find it."

My dad reached his hand out. "Let me see that."

I handed him Scary Movie. He looked over his bifocals at me. He had a way of doing this that could pierce your soul. "What are you gonna do?"

"I'm going to double-check with her that it's not coming through the mail and, if it's not, just buy it myself."

"Good," he nodded. "Good plan."

A little while later, my mother informed us that breakfast was ready. I walked into the kitchen, grabbing the carton of orange juice and pouring it into a large glass. My mother stood to the side, watching me.

"What's wrong?"

I laughed. "Nothing is wrong," I said, taking a sip from the glass.

My father was at the stove, spooning scrambled eggs onto his plate. My mother looked at him. "Donny, what's Adam's problem?"

My father was a worse liar than I am. "Hon, everything is okay."

"You're both lying to me! What is the problem?"

My father grunts, his shoulders dropping. He looks at me helplessly, as though to say, "Well, we tried."

"Adam said you didn't get him that set he wanted."

My mother looks at me. "No. I got you Scary Movie."

"It's all fine. I can just buy it..."

"Well, if I knew that's what you wanted so badly, I would have just bought it for you myself. Why didn't you tell me?"

Quietly, I mustered, "I did."

"Speak up."

"I did tell you. Months ago."

My mother looked to my father. He nodded. "Well..."

I interrupted her. "I can buy it. It's not a big deal."

"Clearly, it is a big deal if you and your father are gossiping about it behind my back! I'll just go buy it."

She stormed out of the kitchen. My father looked down at his plate of food, sighing. My mother did indeed order the set. I ended up paying her back for it. Our agreement was that I would pay for it and she would watch Scream 3. To me, that was a win-win.

For 26 years, Scary Movie has been in the cultural conversation. There are people out there that will tell you it's a good movie. Barely a year later, Scary Movie 2 was released and, to me anyway, it was worse. 3 and 4 came out and I didn't pay much attention to them and it wasn't until much later that I even realized there was a 5th. Now having seen it, I know why. For the longest time, they were seen as bad movies and I've agreed all along.

With the release of Scream 7, we got a trailer for Scary Movie (2026). Just in the short span of the trailer, I could tell this would just be more of the same. But, I was hopeful. Marlon Wayans has spoken at length how this film would get back to the basics and be about what we love about the franchise. Somehow, it was worse than I could have imagined.

As with the other films in the franchise, Scary Movie (2026) relies upon you, the audience, to be aware of all their cultural references. There are so few jokes in the film that can stand on their own. Off the top of my head, you need to have at least a passing knowledge of Scream (2022), Scream VI, Longlegs, Sinners, John Wick, Ballerina, One Battle After Another, Wednesday, The Substance, White Chicks as well as the other 5 Scary Movie films. Beyond that, you also need to be aware of current trends, COVID, LGBTQ issues, streaming, TikTok videos and K-POP Demon Hunters. If you don't know much about these things, you might as well not bother seeing the film because you're going to be hopelessly lost throughout.

Now, if you're able to squeeze in all this information before seeing the new one, you're not even rewarded by anything that's funny. The filmmakers seem content to pat themselves on the back at every turn. For whatever reason, leading up to the release of this film, Marlon and Shawn Wayans have been speaking about their films and Scary Movie (2000) in general as though the Wayans invented the spoof/parody genre. Let me tell you. You could gather every single spoof film ever made on DVD into a standard sized classroom and throw a nickel. Chances are extremely high that you'll find a bad one before a legitimately good one. Most are very lazy and unfunny. Scary Movie (2026) does not buck that trend.

They often "punch down". In other words, they go after easy targets similar to bullies. At this point, the Wayans are not the underdogs. Them insulting actors or actresses, insulting the LGBTQ community as well as the horror community at large isn't going to win them any new fans. These films are not made with love for the genre or filmmaking. They're made by the popular jocks going after the nerdy kids. The only love that is obvious in this film is the Wayans', particularly Marlon and Shawn, love for themselves. It is, at this point, common knowledge that Harvey Weinstein wrested control of the Scary Movie franchise from the Wayans. After 2, they were not as involved. The most recent entry can't get over that fact.

The sheer incoherence of the filmmaking is also something to take note of. While they follow the plot structure of a few movies in particular, they often jump to a skit that has to do with another movie. For instance, we go from a Get Out parody that suddenly becomes an animated skit of Shorty fighting the K-Pop Demon Hunters, complete with an accompanying song. What's worse is this "song" is like sub-Weird Al levels of terrible. Some of the animation is relatively funny, but it's just another instance of Marlon's ego getting in the way of a decent movie. In the original, his character was a supporting character, as was Shawn's character. In the main plot of Scary Movie (2026), Shorty and Ray are still supporting characters who don't have a lot to do with the "plot" but Shorty in particular gets a lot of screentime. This shows a gross misunderstanding of storytelling and an unfortunate display of massive ego. Faris and Hall are the main characters, and have been since the beginning. Putting us in the middle of random skits with Shorty doing nothing.

You also get the feeling from this particular edit of the film that they didn't know what to do with a lot of the more self-contained scenes they filmed. So, when in doubt, dump them all together towards the end. You get the distinct feeling like the filmmakers got bored, didn't care and just threw 15-20 minutes of scenes at a random spot as it has nothing to do with the rest of the film. Many of these skits may have worked better if they were weaved in better, but instead, these scenes flop down in front of us with the delicacy of an anvil.

-------------------------------SPOILERS AHEAD-------------------------------------------------

Not that it probably matters, but we see at the end that the killers for Scary Movie (2026) is basically the returning cast. They kill the new cast. And it's just strange. Marlon and Shawn, Anna and Regina, all shed their characters in the film to become versions of themselves. They all begin to air out their grievances about how Scary Movie after the Wayans' departure was so much worse. Shaq shows up, Anthony Anderson. They all get killed because Shorty/Marlon is upset about their involvement with the sequels. The Wayans actually ended up making a movie about how passing the torch is a bad idea. New generations don't matter if the old folk don't want to give up the mantle.

And, again, a lot of this is just Shorty/Marlon complaining about how much better it was when he was involved. When I rewatched Scary Movie (2000), Ray started complaining about how good the Wayans brothers' TV show was and it shouldn't have been canceled. Between Marlon and Shawn, it sounds like they believe they're entitled to have their shows and IP exist in perpetuity. This feeling they seem to have has lasted for 26 years. At the end of Scary Movie (2026), the new cast appears to be dead and the old cast is back. Once the end credits roll, a catchy song plays where you keep hearing someone saying, "We're back."

Sometimes, you have to let go. Maybe time has gotten away from them. They've done other films in the interim to varying degrees. But to retroactively claim your films are now classics is a bit pathetic. Nobody can just have a decent success. Everything has to be an enormous success or a failure. That's not how life is. And when you have people who have been in the industry in some form or the other for over 30 years and you're watching a multimillion dollar movie where the climax is just them complaining about what they missed out on, it's hard to draw any empathy, especially when the majority of what we just watched was insulting other people and projects that weren't specifically created off the talent of other filmmakers.

-------------------------------SPOILERS END-------------------------------------------------

The hard, uncomfortable fact is none of the films in the Scary Movie franchise would or could exist on their own. The best spoofs, at least in my opinion, don't lampoon a specific movie or a specific couple of movies, they go after an entire genre. The Naked Gun (1988) and Blazing Saddles come to mind. Movies that have plots that are not carbon copies of other films. At times during Scary Movie (2026), it seems the screenwriters just took the script from Scream (2022) and just changed a few words around. The same lazy trick they pulled with Scary Movie (2000). That's not creative; that's copying. Which, in a way, makes perfect sense. Given the comparison of the Wayans to jocks in high school, it makes sense they'd copy off the nerds. At the end of the day, it's no different.

I sincerely hope that people who enjoy these films enjoy the new one, I do. It's just aggressively not for me. It insults way too many people, and in supremely unclever ways, to win me over. And, sure, "it's just a movie" and maybe I "shouldn't take it seriously", but when you have entitled, whiny people claiming others have stolen from them when they're actively copying other, better art, it's difficult not to take it seriously.

My other hope is that I don't find a copy of Scary Movie (2026) under the Christmas tree this year. Considering the string of bad luck I've been having, I wouldn't exactly be surprised, but I'd be no less disappointed.

Scary Movie (2026)

Directed by Michael Tiddes

Cast: Anna Faris, Regina Hall, Marlon Wayans, Shawn wayans, Dave Sheridan, Lochlyn Munro, Cheri Oteri, Olivia Rose Keegan, Cameron Scott Roberts, Savannah Lee Nassif, Sydney Park

Runtime: 96 minutes

MPAA Rating: R (for crude sexual content, graphic nudity, strong violence, drug content and language throughout)

Rating: (out of ****) *

Scary Movie (2026) is currently in theaters.